Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
