the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
