i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
