Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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