Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
