i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
