I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
