Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
