my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
