im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
