too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
