My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize