I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
