He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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