M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
