tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
