I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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