Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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