dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
