my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
