addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
