Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
