I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
