awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize