You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Still dying that you shit outside
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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