the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
