You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize