I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
