Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
