wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Randomize
