He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
