Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
