I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
