My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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