I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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