I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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