my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
