lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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