everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
