awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
