They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
