you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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