NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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