Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
