I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
