Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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