Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
