bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize