He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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