I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
