you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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