its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize