Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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