I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
