at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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