apparently the secret to your success is patron
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
