farters have to be the big spoon...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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