this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
