i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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