Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
