hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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