My room smells like vodka and shame
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize