i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
