She announced her abortion via fbk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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