I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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