I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
