there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
