walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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