Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
