your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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