even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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